The alarm clock rings. Even before I open my eyes, I’m overwhelmed thinking about the day ahead of me. My whole body feels drained, like I didn’t get any rest at all. As often, I ponder how much money I’d pay so I could just stay in bed right now. On bad days, it goes … More Going to Work with High-Functioning Depression
About six months ago, I tried to put into words how depression talks to me. After I posted it, a friend told me she cried when she read it. To be honest, back then I was at one of the worst mental states I can remember. That’s when I decided I can’t keep living that … More How I see myself…when depression shuts up
Let’s get this straight right at the beginning: I’m alright and definitely don’t intend to freak anyone out. I’ve been dealing with depressive episodes on and off throughout my life, so this isn’t news to me and as far as I can tell I’m not a threat to myself or anyone around me. I tend … More How Depression Talks To Me
In the past weeks, I’ve had a weird realization. I’m happy. Not just for a brief moment, but in general. My health has been stable for months. My job seems a lot easier to handle now and I feel like I’m actually making a difference. Every day I’m surrounded by the most positive people who … More I’m happy. And terrified.
When people walk into my apartment, the first thing they ask is “What is that?“ and point at the many post-it notes on my wardrobe. Those are your responses to my writing over the past two years. I wrote them all down and re-read them when things aren’t going so well. They remind me that … More KIND WORDS MATTER.
A Japanese friend asked me this today. He’s not the only one – recently I’ve been getting this question from friends and family all over the world. It’s been two years already, since the plane landed and I stumbled out into the infamous Japanese summer heat, and a new chapter of my life was waiting … More Do you STILL like living in Japan?
It’s the first morning of being back in Germany this Christmas break. I’m walking through a small town I’m not overly familiar with, trying to find a Café. Since it’s pretty cold outside, I’m wearing a face mask I brought from Japan. Even though I’m aware that it looks weird to people here, I prefer … More I was called a foreigner. In my home country.
Friends and family ’back home‘ keep asking me how much longer I’m going to stay in Japan. I think for them it’s just a well-intentioned and rather logical question. Someone who leaves inevitably needs to come back, right? It’s not that simple. At least not for me. In the past ten years, I moved houses, … More So when are you coming back?
Recently I read an article that accused white people living abroad of calling themselves ’expats’ instead of ’immigrants’ and thereby emphasizing their superiority over other ethnic groups living abroad (“Why are white people expats when the rest of us are immigrants?“ by Mawuna Remarque Koutonin, 2015). This issue has been on my mind for years, … More I am an Immigrant.
A wise friend told me the last time we met: “Moving abroad, I’ve always compared to being a fish in a tank when the water gets renewed. In the beginning, there might be too much oxygen in the fresh water, so the fish feels like suffocating. It’s like that when you, as a human, have … More The ‘Fish in the Tank’ Metaphor, Or: My Early Struggles of Living Abroad